Drawing Around Scars

Berlin under Nazi rule witnessed the emergence of a concentration camp North of the city, where innocent people were made to see hell on earth. Berlin during World War 2 saw air raids, bombings and widespread starvation. Berlin during the Cold War saw the erection of the Berlin Wall, dividing the city in two, separating families and friends overnight for 28 years.

From the outside, I may appear to have the perfect life. And it is perfect. My life is a dream come true. As long as I can remember, my parents gave me the best of everything. When I was younger, they queued up to get this silk skirt for me with Cinderella's story embroidered along the bottom. My mum woke me up early one morning (when there were hardly any cars) to take me to an overbridge because I told her that I wanted to walk across it. The first phone? I was given the best there was. First laptop? The best there was, and in my favourite colour. First car? The best there was. I don't intend to name any brands or talk about the cost. It was never about the money; it was always the intention, the thoughtfulness, and the effort. "For Nivi," I imagine them thinking.

There is a Tamil song that comes to mind. It goes, "Malargal ketten, vaname thandanai. Thanir ketten amirtham thandanai." It translates to- "I ask for flowers, and you gave me a whole garden. I ask for water, and you bring me ambrosia." I don't know how, but every time I have wanted something, I'd just think about it, and in my hand it would be placed.

I named my first car, 'Lola'. There is a picture of me in a green oversized shirt, hugging the bonnet of the car. Lola had all my friends from school singing as we drove through the rain for waffles. Lola got me through to medical school, and I had my first heartbreak whilst I was sitting in Lola. Lola and I took on the world together.

At the beginning of last year, a day before my birthday, I got in a car crash on the motorway. Thankfully, nobody was hurt, except Lola. Just like that, I lost my first car after 7 years. I'm not exactly sure why, but this incident set me on a twisted path last year. I started bracing myself for impact from life.

A few more disheartening events, fractured relationships, a ruined holiday, tearful counselling sessions, one long-awaited graduation, and four months of working as a doctor later, the year finally came to a close. Thank God.

Everyone around me tried very hard for me when I gave up. I told A that I wasn't excited about life, and she brought in J and G to have a 4-hour intervention with me. The next day, G came into my room carrying her iPad asking me to make a vision board with her, "Let's fill it with everything that excites us." My uncle cried to my mum after a phone call with me. My grandmother made a whole church congregation pray for me. My sister fought very hard to pull me up every single day. My aunt, who is in a different continent, messaged, "Please just make sure you are eating."

I read somewhere that only the people who truly love you can hear you when you are quiet. It felt like I wasn't there, like my heart just stopped beating. Those around me loved me back to life. "For Nivi."

They were all there, watching my graduation, cheering for me as I finally became a doctor. I might have the title in front of my name, but it belongs to everyone around me. We finally became a doctor.

I kept saying I've been dealt some really bad cards. But they weren't really bad cards; they were just cards I wasn't expecting, and I didn't know how to play them. I'd like to believe that I learned that a bit better now.

My sister and I spent the last few days of 2025 and the first few days of 2026 in Berlin. Berlin was plan B, but it was the best destination for us.

Every person we met in Berlin spoke English in a different tongue. The city truly defines diversity. Throughout my life, on travels, I've seen the same white, black and red merchandise which says 'I ❤ Paris', 'I ❤ NYC' or 'I❤London.' Berlin was the only place which had magnets and T-shirts saying, 'Berlin ❤'s you.'

We had an opportunity to sit on a swing which hung from the top of one of the tallest buildings. As my feet dangled over the city during sunset, it was breathtakingly beautiful. I knew then that I simply had to write about it.

Despite everything, the people built Berlin back up. They loved Berlin back to life. They don't attempt to hide anything, but they made it more beautiful. Gave it new meaning.

The concentration camp still stands as a memorial- preserved to tell the story of those who deserve to be heard, preserving the pencil drawings of the prisoners. Cracks in pavements and walls were turned into graffiti art. The Berlin Wall still stands (under a different name, 'East Side Gallery')- 118 artists from around 21 countries were invited to paint on the wall- it is now the longest open-air art gallery in the world. Cigarette vending machines were turned into art vending machines (selling art from local artists).

I came across this quote, and thought it was worth sharing-

"People speak of hope as if it is this delicate, ephemeral thing made of whispers and spider webs. It is not. Hope has dirt on her face, blood on her knuckles, the grit of cobblestones in her hair and just spat out a tooth as she rises for another go." - Matthew (@CrowsFault)

For those people who built me up every time I fell, this post is for you. "For those who make 'Nivi'". As Taylor Swift said in one of her songs, "You drew stars around my scars." My life is only perfect because you are in it. I hope you know, Berlin ❤'s you too.